A521.8.4.RB_Making Contact_Wathen_Sandra

A521.8.4.RB_Making Contact_Wathen_Sandra

Ref:  Personal experiences and tips from McKay, Davis and Fanning:  Chapter 14 of Messages to improve your ability to connect with others. First of all, I am an “A” type personality.  I am very outgoing, energetic and a creative person.  I feel that I am a leader versus a follower.  From my early adulthood and throughout my career and educational experiences, I have pursued and attended numerous public speaking and communication classes.  I also participated in “Toastmasters” and other clubs that required public speaking and effective communication.  Every time there was an opportunity for me to speak in public; I took it.  Each time it gave me more confidence with public communication.  Now that I have mentioned the word confidence, I would like to take a few words to say that my parents provided an environment for me as a child that fostered effective communication.  So in essence, I have had over my lifetime many of the key elements provided to me in order for me to be an active listener and an effective communicator; whether it is on an individual basis or a room full of people. Although it is something that I have acquired over the years, I feel pretty comfortable with striking up a conversation with almost anyone.  Of course it has taken me some time to overcome the fear; mostly by experience and through education.  Good conversation comes from being able to communicate effectively by asking questions, listening and providing self- disclosure.  There are things that I can do to improve my ability to connect with others is to understand my fear of strangers.    Some of those are to be conscious of my own social restrictions and use of self-depreciating internal use of long and tedious conversations.    Recognize that my fears may be partially due to negative thoughts that have formed over years and based on poor communicative habits.   I need to always think positive and have confidence in myself to cope with the fear of rejection by strangers.    When I do receive rejection, I need to think deeper on the basis of the rejection.  Basically, I need to not take it personal but rather I need to try and understand the basis for the rejection.  Dealing with rejection is another thing that I have to be prepared for; as rejection will occur.   I need to stay conscious of my negative judgments and also periodically evaluate myself and take corrective measures in my way of thinking.  This means that I must reframe my approach behavior.  In essence, I need to look at things a little differently and that it is more of an opportunity to communicate with someone that interests me and the only investment is my time and energy. There are other areas that I must focus on with respect to making contact such as control of my body language.  This means that I need to be conscious of my eye contact, facial expressions, how I stand and use my body language.  There are things that I can do to improve these areas which are to find ways for practicing controlling my body language. Breaking the ice to begin conversation requires that I take some time to evaluate and determine an awareness of the environment in order to best optimize on type of conversation to be initiated and the approach to take on the conversation. Conversation is considered an art.  It combines questions, listening and self-disclosure in a form that allows for a person to want to talk and enjoy it.  Sometimes it requires trying to find out information that can be used to increase the conversation levels. So now it is time for me to be “artsie” and create a conversation with you….”I have always wanted to go on a cruise, have you ever been to St. Thomas?”