A521.4.3.RB_Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages_Wathen_Sandra

A521.4.3.RB_Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages_Wathen_Sandra

First I must understand the subtleties of communication and be able to identify hidden messages for both when I am communicating and when I am being communicated by another person.  To do so, I must understand the types of communication methods to include body language, Para-language and Meta-messages, as well as, hidden agendas.

There are two types of communication methods; non-verbal and verbal.  Verbal communication is expressed in ways such as gestures, facial expressions and even how you move your body.  Body language is important since it represents your message from a large degree.  Facial expressions are the biggest trigger for someone to recognize body language.  Many times your body language overcomes your words.  For example, you may say something doesn’t hurt, but your body language shows different.  The thing that you should look for with respect to body language is; whether or not the nonverbal communication is congruent or in-congruent.  When something is congruent, it simply means that the cluster of movements or body language is consistent with the words someone is saying.  If it is non-congruent it means that the words do not match with their body language.  A lack of congruence can also be found with a simple handshake but no eye contact which can be a sign that the person has signs of conflicting feelings.  Being aware of in-congruence will help with determining the nonverbal message being given and make for a more effective communication based on the understanding of the message being received.  

There are many types of body movements such as facial expressions, gestures, posture and breathing. Body movements often are gestures that are passed on by generations and are known as social kinesics which are gestures that are learned.  Some body movements are derived by groups, regions or even those that are considered universal.  It is important though to remember that different cultures and customs use gestures differently; often see disrespectful.  Body languages are different and often unique by a person.  For example, in a situation one person may respond with one type of body language while the other person responds with completely different body language.    Illustrators are movements that communicate a message by illustrating the nonverbal communication; simply pointing at something and the person understanding your need.  Regulators are also methods by which to communicate non-verbally, such as when you control the situation through body language.  

One of the most expressive parts of the body is the face and can be observed by things such as raised eyebrows, wrinkled or smoothed forehead, or even color of someone’s face.    People also talk with their arms, hands, legs, and feet.  Some examples are when someone is upset or nervous they may rub their necks, rub their hands together, etc.

A person’s posture and breathing are also signs of defensiveness or a sign of openness.  For example, a person who is tense might be showing signs of defensiveness and a person who is relaxed may be signs of interest.    Breathing changes are also signs of body language.  Something as simple as how a person is breathing can be showing signs of depression, or tiredness in a person.

Spatial relationships or Proxemics is a way to communicate through how you utilize space.  Basically, it is territorial in nature and how a person responds to invasion of their territory through nonverbal statements.  Territory and personal space are similar.  There are different types of Proxemics, such as; intimate distance, personal distance, social distance and public distance.

Other types of body language is that of Para-language and Meta-messages in which those are how you talk and words you use when you talk.  These change how the message is received by others.  There are six elements of Para-language which are pitch, resonance, articulation tempo, volume and rhythm.  Any or all of these can reflect a different message or identify a different meaning than that of what is said.  Para-language can be practiced and improved; especially if you want to extend positive communication in what you say.  Meta-messages on the other hand are a source that displays interpersonal conflict.  They are statements that have two levels in meaning in which the first level is the normal information that is being communicated by just using a series of words.  The other level is when words are communicating attitudes or feelings such as they pitch or verbal modifiers.  It is when words are emphasized, shows blame or hostility; basically showing a rise of inflection, therefore the message becomes very different.  

Hidden agendas are often used as defensive maneuvers especially to build confidence.  Agendas provides for a strategy to cope with core feelings of inadequacy.  It usually means that someone is trying to prove they are better, smarter, invulnerable, etc.  There are eight types of agendas: “I’m good”, “I’m good (but you’re not)”, “You’re good (but I’m not)”, “I’m helpless, I suffer”, “I am Blameless”, “I’m Fragile”, “I am Tough”, and “I know it all”.  

So how does all this assist me, as a person and as a leader to be a more effective with communication? It helps significantly.  Understanding how a person is reacting or responding gives a better insight on both how the person is interpreting the conversation.  It gives me the ability to control the situation and possibly take a different route to foster a better outcome.  For example, I will be able to tell if a person is getting upset just by their body language, I will be able to tell if they are getting bored with the conversation and I will be able to tell if they are trying to divert the conversation to make themselves look good when in reality they are showing signs of inadequacy.

In summary, it is imperative in order to be an effective communicator to clearly understand the many different types of body languages, Para-language and Meta-messages, and the hidden agendas.  The learning from these three chapters has brought a tremendous amount of insight on the subject and will allow me to leverage what I have learned to my daily communication skills.  I feel that I can be more effective communicating both in my personal and professional worlds.